Nonsense?

My journal entry on February 17, 2012 (Excuse the grammar)
*retrieved from my cellphone*

Naguguluhan ako. Di ko alam ang gagawin ko.
Do I really want it? Or do I want it just for the sake of saying that I survive it? Just to have something to boast for? Please. I am so confused. I don't know why I'm pressuring myself to decide when it's really not urgent. Do I need it so badly to feel this way? Maybe. Maybe I need it to conform, to have a sense of belonging. But I already have one.No. Let me correct that. Not just one but more. I can feel it with my friends, old and new  alike. Friends whom I promised that I would never do this kind of thing. But they will understand. I'm sure they will. They will understand more than I can..